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I am emotionally worn out from the events of the past several days. I went to work today and didn't take my usual suitcase of cd's with me. I didn't have anything in it that really fit my mood, anyways.

As I was sitting at work, thinking, as I tend to do way too much of, I realized I needed to listen to something. I had to stop thinking so I could focus on my job. Well, that requires a lot of thinking, too. Just not the kind I was doing. I was depressed. Angry. Let down. Frustrated.

What could I listen to that would pick me up? I didn't have a clue. I went out to my van and realized I had left some CD's in the holder in the console. I pulled out Meredith Brooks, Alanis Morrisette, Jonny Lang, and a few others. I just grabbed them all and took them in to work with me after my break.


When I got situated at work, still feeling like a mess, I sorted through them again. Alanis, too angry. Meredith, too bitchy, Jonny Lang, too young...and then...there it was.

Johnny Cash: American V: A Hundred Highways
The Master


Johnny Cash, A Hundred Highways V.

Perfect.







I put the CD in, put my plugs in and was transported. I saw Johnny singing in the studio. I listened to the quiver of his aged vocal cords, I felt the hope, the pain, the sorrow that this man poured into each song.

I am still a little sad. I am still overwhelmed and let down. But listening to Johnny, obviously close to death, pour out his soul gave me the strength I needed to get up and out of the dark place I was wallowing in. I was motivated to climb up out of it.

For the rest of my life, possibly, track 5, 'Help Me' will be my anthem in times like these, when I have been too stubborn, once again, to just give it up and let Him help me.

"Lord, Help me walk
Another mile, just one more mile;
I'm tired of walkin' all alone.

Lord, Help me smile
Another smile, just one more smile;
You know I just can't make it on my own.

I never thought I needed help before;
I thought that I could get by - by myself.
Now I know I just can't take it any more.
With a humble heart, on bended knee,
I'm beggin' You, please, Help Me.

Come down from Your golden
And throne to me, to lowly me;
I need to feel the touch of Your tender hand.

Remove the chains of darkness
Let me see, Lord let me see;
Just where I fit into your master plan.

I never thought I needed help before;
I thought that I could get by - by myself.
Now I know I just can't take it any more.
With a humble heart, on bended knee,
I'm beggin' You, please, Help Me."



Who has done this for you? What artist heals you during painful times?
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Reasons NOT to like Alice in Chains...

December 24th 2006 03:00
There is nothing that aggravates me any more than for someone to discuss music with me and to express their opinions of groups or bands without any basis on which to form their opinion.

I was talking to someone tonight and Alice in Chains came up in the conversation. (No, I didn't bring it up.) This person I was talking to did and said, "I hate them, a bunch of queers."

Ok. Now, we all know how I feel about AIC. For those of you who may not know, I would lick the dirt from their shoes. Brilliant lyricists, brilliant musicians, brilliant vocals, brilliant guitar. BRILLIANT. In my humble opinion.

I know this because I have listened to their music, I have read about the origins of the band and members, I have watched interviews, performances, and I have read every lyric to every song of theirs that I have heard so far. I am educated on them.

If you don't like AIC, that's fine. Have a reason. Don't tell me it's because they are a bunch of 'queers'. Have a reason. Here are valid reasons...

"I don't like Layne's voice"

"I don't like sad music"

"I don't like dirty guitar riffs"

SOMETHING.

In fact, I don't care who we are talking about...It could be Britney Spears. I don't like her for more reasons than I can possibly post here. I hate her lyrics. I hate her image. I don't like the fact that she doesn't know what key she sings in. I don't like a lot of things about her. But I can tell you WHY I don't like her.

So, here is a little rule that I just want to remind you of, in case you are reading this with the assumption that it is okay to just say, "Because I don't, that's why!" on this site. It won't fly. I will rip you apart for it.

I don't want to hear it. I don't care, in fact, that you don't like it just 'cause you don't. If you are going to post here...be intelligent. Have a reason for the opinion you hold. A valid one. Have some experience, some knowledge, with or about the artist you are voicing an opinion on.

That's not too much to ask, is it??
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Deorre recently had a post about a good old-fashioned ventilation of anger. I participated and it got me to thinking about...of course, music. I was thinking that music is really the backdrop to our lives. Right now, my backdrop is very loud, very angry Godsmack.

When I am highly pissed off, I need good, loud, angry music. Alanis Morrisette pre-naked in a grocery store thanking India...Godsmack, Alice in Chains...I need someone to scream for me. I can't do it.

Hissy fit
From My Personal Collection...of Nothing.


First of all, I work for a verrrrry uptight pharmaceutical company. It wouldn't go over well for me to just start screaming. I live in America. If someone starts screaming, especially in a place of business, people hit the floor for cover and ask questions later. I would get fired.

Even if I didn't have the job, and just started ranting and screaming and having a good fit, I would be arrested for suspicion of public intoxication. I can't afford the bail.

Even if I could afford the bail and did it after work, I have four children to attend to. I can't afford that much therapy.

Even if I didn't have four children, I have a Shih Tsu. I can't afford to replace the carpeting.

Even if I didn't have the Shih Tsu, I have Bipolar disorder...it would make my husband and friends a bit jumpy.

See my problem?

There is always something stopping me from really expressing my anger. So, when I came across Deorre's rant...well hell's bells, I was on it! It felt GREAT. Sure, I was nervous at first...but I kind of eased into and really enjoyed myself. I am posting it here for you to see what was going on then...just to sort of...get you prepared for what I am about to do.

"Deorre,
Really? I can just go off. Right now. You won't care? You won't turn me in to Orble or anything? Well, okay...I...I will try... *clearing throat* I'm kind of nervous...*giggle* I don't want to make anyone mad...

Here I go...*taking a deep breath*

I am f*cking sick and tired of everyone telling me how to f*cking comment, not to FUCKING swear, who to support, who not to, who to insult and who not to, who to stand up to, who to back down from, how to f*cking write, how not to insult those who wish to insult ME. I am F*CKING tired of every damn time I turn the f*ck around, someone is telling me how much more integrity they have to their writing (or f*cking art for that matter) than me because every once in a godd*mn while, I throw a f*cking cussword in somewhere or I write about f*cking eating a godd*mn CHEESEBURGER. Do not even LOOK at me if you plan to tell me further how to live my godd*mned life or write my posts. Please, everyone go back to their posts and continue f*cking writing WITHOUT censorship.

WOW. THAT FELT GREAT!! I need a cigarette.

*smile*
Voices~"



Well, THANK YOU, Deorre!

Now, for your entertainment, I am going to have a bit of a fit. I deserve it. I have dealt with some major shit this weekend. I have NO idea what I am going to say, it may be just stupid and funny or it may be completely sad. I don't know. I do know that I am pissed. It's my blog. I can do whatever I want to, right? *putting in my Godsmack* So, here goes...

"I am a mother of four, a full-time college student, full-time employee and wife. I am sick and tired of people looking at me as if I have all the time in the world to listen to their shit and clean up their shit and fix their shit. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I have had it up to HERE with requests for my time. I HAVE NONE. UNLESS I forego the four hours -on a good night- of sleep that I get per night now. Of course, that wouldn't be good, what with the bipolar and the precariously delicate balancing act I am already embroiled in. Guess what? College? Forget about it. There is no way that I am going to finish this semester because for some reason, no one has enough common sense to just fuck off for a few weeks. DEAR GOD, must I spell it out for you? There is no way on god's creation, that there is enough time, between now and March to finish. Know why? Because I am completely 100% disposable. No one gives a flying fuck how much is on my plate, save my husband. You need Christmas shopping done? Voices is your girl. You need your house cleaned? Who ya gonna call? You're too fucking stupid to keep your kids home when they are sick? Go ahead, bring them around Voices kids!! She has only had to take one to the hospital over it. Who cares?? It's just CHRISTMAS!! Now, I am begging you. Have some common sense. For the love of God...let me do what I need to do here. Let me focus on ME for once in my life. Let me sacrifice you for a change. Let me go for the gold and get my damn degree. I promise you, I will always be stuck in BFE. I am going nowhere. All I want right now...in this life...more than anything...is to have a piece of paper with my fucking name on it that says that someday, if I wanted to, when the kids are grown and hubby is retired...We could get the hell out. I could be someone. Be someone that everyone would be proud of, for once. Do something for ME, DAMMIT!"

*awkward silence.*

Okaaaaay. Wow. *Taking medication and making a note to call the doctor*

Your turn.
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The Seattle Sound Series Update:


Most of my readers know I am passionate about music, in particular, the Seattle sound and the groups which contributed to it. I still have a long way to go before I will be upto the task of paying tribute to the genre. A friend was going to help me out with the series but that has fallen through. It's just not meant to be right now. I will school myself a bit and get back to you later on with a series that will do it justice, I promise


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Who's Your Favorite 80's Hair Band?

December 9th 2006 02:28
There is nothing in the world that will get me school girl giddy (catholic uniform, if that helps you pervs out there with an image), than a really great heavy metal song from the '80's. I have memories for all of them...especially Cinderella.

Cinderella <I>'Night Songs'</I>
Cinderella 'Night Songs'

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Seattle Sound Series, An Update

December 5th 2006 00:55
JUST A QUICK UPDATE...

I am a newish fan of grunge music, more specifically the bands that made the music referred to as 'The Seattle Sound'. A few weeks back, I decided to announce, a bit prematurely, that I would be starting a series on 'The Seattle Sound'. I want to do something in depth to honor these groups and this genre but honestly do not feel like I can do it justice at this point. And you know how I feel about that sort of thing...know your shit or shut up, right? Well, I have decided to shut up on the topic for now and hand over the reins to someone with a bit more experience in the area


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No pretty pictures or catchy titles, just short and to the point today...that's not always a bad thing!

'Tis the season and all that...I was digging through my music collection for my Christmas music and it got me to thinking about how music can set moods, it can release emotions and how we turn to it in times of need, intentionally or not. How integrated it is in our lives. It made me thankful for the talent, the art and the drive of the artists who do what they do so that we may enjoy it


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I have kept my mouth shut about the breakup and Britney's 'new old look'. I have kept my mouth shut about K-Fed and all the unfortunate child abuse-ish events. I have shut up about hair extensions and black roots, and white trashiness. Mainly, because if I say something about Br*tney S*ears, google jumps all over it and plasters her shit all over my site, which I cannot stand. I don't want to give her any type of notice all on this site.

However, enough is enough. This girl has been absolutely crucified in the press for the last two years. She gained weight, lost it, gained weight...wait...no...oh that's right, she was too dumb to read the instructions on the spermicide and used it in her mouth instead. I digress


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All Things Lenny Kravitz...

November 26th 2006 04:52
Lenny Kravitz - Wikipedia



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MATURE CONTENT
   


One person who irritates me in music today, (no, it isn't Britney), is Kanye West. I cannot tell you the amount of irritation I feel right now at even typing his name. When his shit-(no other word for it)- comes on the radio, it is turned off faster than you can say, "brokety-broke".

This irritation was not helped with Kanye's recent hissy fit at the European Music Awards over his loss for Best Video. Now, I know all of you have seen it and read it and are probably sick of it. But, I thought I should include a pic of it here just in case someone had fallen off the face of the earth


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Paging Dr. Freud...(Wikipedia)


This post was inspired by comments to two previous posts, 'Muzikal Talent Lost to Drugs: Who Do You Miss?' and
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Elvis Presley - The King of Rock n Roll

Tommy Bolin, Deep Purple musician


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What Artist Disturbs You The Most?

November 9th 2006 14:42
I don't know if I can pick just one...but since I have to...it would have to be: MARILYN MANSON


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